Dunk this Doughnut!
Apparently this is a severe problem for Canadians who have traded their dog sleds for whatever people use to get around in places where there's no snow. You see, in other countries, people actually like basketball. Please remember that these are primitive countries who don't even know what a Coffee Crisp tastes like. Nevertheless, not even the sweeping changes proposed by Kofi Annan can hope to bring Coffee Crisp to the darkest recesses of the globe, although they might help to make the United Nations relevant again.
Naturally not every country will enjoy the same sports that we do in Canada. Hockey is confusing to Americans in the south because the players on the ice can turn both left and right. The rest of them fear hockey because, as you know, Canadian pucks are made of beef.
In Canada we know the value of multiculturalism. We understand that not everyone knows how to pronounce the letter 'z' or spell 'labour'. (If you're an American and you see funny little squiggly red lines underneath some words in this blog, do not be alarmed. The Canadian language uses a lot of those as extra punctuation. They are not a way for terrorists to send secret messages across the border.)
Many Americans are troubled by the recent allegations of widespread steroid use in major league baseball. Unfortunately, baseball is the type of sport where a juiced-up slugger or pitcher can make all difference. It's encouraging to note that performance enhancing drugs have had little effect on hockey. If the recent state of the game is any indicator, drug usage is inversely proportional to quality of play. Need more proof? In a recent interview to promote the new book Mémoires d'un Dur à Cuire (“Memoirs of a Tough Guy”) by Journalist Mathias Brunet, former Montreal Canadiens player Dave Morissette claims that “the majority of the guys had their pills. It wasn't a big deal. It was pretty common to take pills before a game. It didn't bother anyone.” Morissette notes that steroids didn't help him to become a better hockey player. No shit. Anyone care to guess how many NHL games he played in his illustrious career? (Hint: use your fingers to count.)