Al-Qaeda Attacks Canada!
In the wake of the recent bomb attacks in London, many Canadians are beginning to wonder if the great white north could be next. Government officials, claiming that Canada is woefully unprepared to cope with a terrorist attack, have already begun to stoke the smoldering ashes of post-9/11 fear.
That Canada is the next target on the terrorist's list should come as no surprise. The UK, Australia and Spain were all major players in the war in Iraq, whereas Canada's contributions to the war on terror in Afghanistan have so far not been met with reprisal.
It may come as some shock, then, to hear that the anticipated terrorist strike has already happened. On June 30th 2005, two boats on opposite sides of the country were simultaneously run aground in an effort to cause massive death and destruction. Although as of yet no group has claimed responsibility, this was an assault that bore all the hallmarks of an al-Qaeda plot.
The first attack was meant to cause a catastrophic ecological disaster along Canada's eastern coast. A massive tanker en route to the Hibernia oil platform was hijacked by a band of heavily armed gunmen. The vessel, owned by Paul Martin's Canada Steamship Lines, was accelerated to full throttle and placed on a collision course with the oil platform. For reasons unknown, the tanker veered off course and slammed into the Innu community of Natuashish. The town was obliterated, along with all the inhabitants.
The lack of response from any level of government means that the tragic tale of the Innu people may finally have come to an end. This answers a oft-debated philosophical question: If an big explosion were to eliminate an aboriginal community and no one was left in the squalor to tell the tale, would anyone care?
"Problem solved," said Paul Martin when asked why the government didn't send an emergency response team such as DART or FART.
Stephen Harper called the Prime Minister's comments "outrageous, callous and inhumane." Jack Layton, who still owes 4.56 billion favours to the minority Liberal government, tried to find some middle ground. "I think Mr.Martin was talking about his boat. It was a problematic boat and needed a lot of costly repairs. It simply turns out that it was cheaper to scuttle the boat."
The second al-Qaeda attack fared only marginally better. At least it got some media coverage.
That Canada is the next target on the terrorist's list should come as no surprise. The UK, Australia and Spain were all major players in the war in Iraq, whereas Canada's contributions to the war on terror in Afghanistan have so far not been met with reprisal.
It may come as some shock, then, to hear that the anticipated terrorist strike has already happened. On June 30th 2005, two boats on opposite sides of the country were simultaneously run aground in an effort to cause massive death and destruction. Although as of yet no group has claimed responsibility, this was an assault that bore all the hallmarks of an al-Qaeda plot.
The first attack was meant to cause a catastrophic ecological disaster along Canada's eastern coast. A massive tanker en route to the Hibernia oil platform was hijacked by a band of heavily armed gunmen. The vessel, owned by Paul Martin's Canada Steamship Lines, was accelerated to full throttle and placed on a collision course with the oil platform. For reasons unknown, the tanker veered off course and slammed into the Innu community of Natuashish. The town was obliterated, along with all the inhabitants.
The lack of response from any level of government means that the tragic tale of the Innu people may finally have come to an end. This answers a oft-debated philosophical question: If an big explosion were to eliminate an aboriginal community and no one was left in the squalor to tell the tale, would anyone care?
"Problem solved," said Paul Martin when asked why the government didn't send an emergency response team such as DART or FART.
Stephen Harper called the Prime Minister's comments "outrageous, callous and inhumane." Jack Layton, who still owes 4.56 billion favours to the minority Liberal government, tried to find some middle ground. "I think Mr.Martin was talking about his boat. It was a problematic boat and needed a lot of costly repairs. It simply turns out that it was cheaper to scuttle the boat."
The second al-Qaeda attack fared only marginally better. At least it got some media coverage.
posted by Matt at 00:13
2 Comments:
Hey, Matt, welcome back!
Thanks for bringing the attacks to my attention, the MSM has again failed us in their biased reporting. I wonder if Martin is going to send Svend the GAY SEX ass-sasin after them...
I guess I probably shouldn't have said GAY SEX because it would bring too much unwanted Google traffic, like TRANNYS searching for CHICKS WITH BIG DICKS and weird stuff like BEASTIALITY, BUKKAKE and SCAT FESTISHES. Before you know it, you'll have all sorts SEXUAL DEVIANTS leaving their HOMO EROTIC comments in your blog. It might get so bad that you'll see Google Ads for "HOMOCON -- The GAY blog" on the right of your page.
But fear not! If ever your blog is overrun by GAY CHILD MOLESTORS who want to have HOT SEX with UNDERAGE CHILDREN, you can simply redirect your blog to Micheal Jackson's homepage.
Enjoy!
Nicely played, ac. How did you know that GAY SEX ASSASSination is the favoured method of Darth Svend?
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