Thursday, June 23, 2005

New Unedited Grewal Tapes Revealed!

The entire Gurmant Grewal affair has been covered in excruciating, nauseating detail by Canadian bloggers. We here at The Maple Lounge have remained uncharacteristically silent throughout the controversy, simply because we had nothing unique to contribute. All of this changed this morning after we received a small parcel of indeterminate origin, addressed simply to "Maple Lounge Blogger" and containing a single unlabeled CD-ROM nestled in copious amounts of bubble wrap.

It turned out to be a data CD loaded with audio files, mostly unedited versions of the famed Grewal tapes, complete with transcripts. The CD also includes spectral analysis data that apparently can be used to identify the speakers, as well as to pinpoint locations where the the original tapes were edited. A final item on the CD is a comparison between the effects various technical glitches can have on an audio recording versus a deliberate discontinuity caused by manual splicing or digital editing.

For the most part the new transcripts reveal merely a few mundane details, as if the person who originally edited the tapes was trying to spare us the awkward pauses and general minutia of your typical conversation. But one audio file in particular contains a startling revelation that links the Grewal affair to the sponsorship scandal and a secret military espionage program.

The following snippet of a conversation between Grewal and an unidentified male gives a taste of just how tantalizing some of these new recordings will be:

Grewal: "I know about the Brault Identity."
Mr.X: "Who's the rat?"
Grewal: "Bédard. Bédard told me everything."
Mr.X: "Bédard? Let's just get one thing straight right now. Myriam Bédard if fucking crazy. Are we clear?"
Grewal: "You know I can't keep the lid on this, not even for you."
Mr.X: "There must be something we can do."
Grewal: "You know what I want and I ..."
Mr.X: "Look I can't make any promises. That dirty little (unintelligible) ..."
Grewal: "So there's been no progress?"
Mr.X: "My hands are tied. I'll call the big man and we'll try to get things moving."
Grewal: "Let's hope so, for your sake."
[end of recording]

The Maple Lounge managed to track down Myriam Bédard, who has graciously agreed to our request for an interview. Tentatively scheduled for the afternoon of Monday June 27th, it is our hope that she'll be able to shed some light on this deepening mystery once she hears the recordings for the first time. Until then The Maple Lounge will refrain from posting any further transcript details. Some of the material may contain potentially incriminating information if indeed these new recording turn out to be genuine.

We strongly encourage whomever sent us these recordings to contact us so we can verify the authenticity of the transcripts. Your privacy will be assured. The Maple Lounge will remain incommunicado whilst legal counsel is sought.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Index Librorum Prohibitorum

So what does an exhausted brain think about after hitting the books for eight straight months, more or less on a daily basis? To normal people the answer should seem obvious: anything but books.

Of course, there are those in this world who are far from normal. Sequestered deep within the darkest corners of this country, they are those who society shuns. You cross the street when you see them. You don't pick up the phone when they call. They are the disturbed, the lost, the slight of mind, and the just plain icky. They are the ones who perpetuate evil, vile little cultural memes like games of blog tag. Although I refuse to provide specific names, I believe these sadistic people are also Canadian.

  1. Number of books I own

  2. I own as many books as there are corrupt politicians in Ottawa. All political allegiances cast aside, that equates to a fair number of books. Whether books or crooks, maintaining an accurate tally of either is an act in futility.

  3. Last book I bought

  4. “A Passion for Narrative” by Jack Hodgins. I haven't read it yet, which explains why my writing hasn't improved.

  5. Last book I read

  6. “Behind Enemy Lines” by Mary Thomas. A memoir of RCAF F/O James Moffat, who parachuted into enemy territory after his bomber collided with another plane over Nuremberg in 1944. He was the only survivor.

    I received a copy of the book signed by Jim Moffat. His harrowing six month ordeal in Nazi-occupied Belgium and France is a superb tale that highlights the tremendous sacrifices ordinary people made to help foreign soldiers find their way back home. The writing of Mary Thomas, however, is inconsistent in its quality. Amazingly Moffat's enthralling memoir is bookended by almost unbearable prose laden with a plethora of errors. Either this book was rushed to print or the author needs a better copy editor.

  7. Five books that mean a lot to me

  8. “Cosmos” by Carl Sagan. This book was a gift from someone who means a lot to me, to whom I would just like to say that I haven't forgotten the inspirational message written inside the front cover.

    “Life of Pi” by Yann Martel. I have a lot of respect for any book that can both entertain me and change my outlook on certain things. I found this book impossible to put down.

    “A Book of Five Rings” by Miyamoto Musashi. Japan's most renowned Samurai warrior never lost a duel, killing over 60 opponents before the age of 30. He retired to a cave and proceeded to commit to paper all that he had learned, finishing only a few weeks prior to his death. I'm not sure what lessons this book holds for my life, but I know it's because I haven't yet studied it hard enough yet.

    “Relativity” by Albert Einstein. This is a book replete with profound insight. The material is challenging, but to paraphrase Einstein himself “I have little respect for those who find the thinnest part of a piece of wood and then proceed to drill a great many holes.” Einstein was not content to pick the low-hanging fruit, and neither am I. I believe in this book I've glimpsed something far more elegant and eternal than I could ever have imagined.

    “The C Programming Language” by Brian W. Kernighan and Dennis M. Ritchie. It's amazing how such a slim volume can contain so much more information than the globs of bloated, vacuous introductory books lining bookstore shelves. In the words of the authors, “C is not a big language, and it is not well served by a big book.” If only the industry profiteers would read the classics rather than simply trying to emulate them!

  9. Tag five more

  10. Now comes the time where I must choose whether to further this nonsensical game of blog tag, or to become a dead end and be shunned by the rest of the blogosphere. Since the latter has already happened, and since I now feel compelled to take out my frustration on others, I have chosen the following five unfortunate souls:

    That's my stapler
    Canadian Expatriates
    Rants, Raves, Reviews of a Proud Canadian Surfer
    Babylon Tea Party
    The Gracchi