Revenge of the Svend
It appears that when Belinda Stronach crossed the floor to join the Liberal party, she brought more than just her support for tomorrow's big confidence vote. The worst fears of Conservatives everywhere have been confirmed: Belinda carries with her the deepest secrets of the Tory inner circle, including the true reason behind Stephen Harper's drive to topple the government immediately. It is now clear that Harper has more than just angry rhetoric up his sleeve. The hour draws nigh when he will unveil a terrible secret that will threaten the unity of the country and jeopardize Canada's position on the world stage.
The seeds of Stronach's dissent were sown several weeks ago, when it was reported that an irate Harper read her the riot act after she expressed some sympathy for certain elements of the Liberal budget. Although the heated exchange took place behind closed doors, a certain fly on the wall just happens to be a key informant in the employ of The Maple Lounge.
"The program Svend has grown beyond your control."
Stronach's fateful words that day in front of the Tory leader tell us all we need to know. Evidently stealth ninja Svend Robinson has been working as a double agent, and yet his treachery runs far deeper than any political leader could possibly know. Our nation has never known greater peril, and today the country received its first taste of the terror Svend plans to unleash.
His first target was Queen Elizabeth II. The monarch recently arrived in Canada for a special ceremony in his honour. In recognition of his services to the Queen, Svend was promoted to the rank of Rear Admiral and was awarded the Fabulous Cross, becoming the first of the Queen's subjects since Elton John to receive such a distinction.
The ceremony ended abruptly when Svend stole the Queen's crown jewels. Before mysteriously disappearing from sight, he rejected his new rank and proclaimed himself to be Darth Svend. Canada's most versatile agent has turned into a power-crazed vigilante assassin who answers to no one.
Not satisfied with an assault on the Queen, Darth Svend's next target was Parliament hill. With all eyes on Belinda Stronach as she walked across the aisle to join the ranks of the government, Liberal MP Jim Karygiannis was struck with a poison dart and had to be rushed to hospital. Karygiannis was caught on video gasping for air and clutching his chest. The toxin, later identified as a simple truth serum, was almost fatal to the politician.
The office of the Prime Minister released a statement acknowledging that "Darth Svend is trying to send us a message." An anonymous source inside the RCMP toxicology lab said that unused darts laced with rat poison were found along with a note mentioning the names of Scott Brison, David Kilgour and Pierre Pettigrew.
"Do not believe the rebel lies. I don't use poison darts," said Darth Svend when pressed for comment. Darth Svend then raised a hand in the direction of the CBC reporter who allegedly found the poison darts. Inexplicably, the reporter began gasping for air and clutched his throat as if choking on his next question. "Your thoughts betray you," was all Darth Svend said as the CBC reporter crumpled over and died.
The seeds of Stronach's dissent were sown several weeks ago, when it was reported that an irate Harper read her the riot act after she expressed some sympathy for certain elements of the Liberal budget. Although the heated exchange took place behind closed doors, a certain fly on the wall just happens to be a key informant in the employ of The Maple Lounge.
"The program Svend has grown beyond your control."
Stronach's fateful words that day in front of the Tory leader tell us all we need to know. Evidently stealth ninja Svend Robinson has been working as a double agent, and yet his treachery runs far deeper than any political leader could possibly know. Our nation has never known greater peril, and today the country received its first taste of the terror Svend plans to unleash.
His first target was Queen Elizabeth II. The monarch recently arrived in Canada for a special ceremony in his honour. In recognition of his services to the Queen, Svend was promoted to the rank of Rear Admiral and was awarded the Fabulous Cross, becoming the first of the Queen's subjects since Elton John to receive such a distinction.
The ceremony ended abruptly when Svend stole the Queen's crown jewels. Before mysteriously disappearing from sight, he rejected his new rank and proclaimed himself to be Darth Svend. Canada's most versatile agent has turned into a power-crazed vigilante assassin who answers to no one.
Not satisfied with an assault on the Queen, Darth Svend's next target was Parliament hill. With all eyes on Belinda Stronach as she walked across the aisle to join the ranks of the government, Liberal MP Jim Karygiannis was struck with a poison dart and had to be rushed to hospital. Karygiannis was caught on video gasping for air and clutching his chest. The toxin, later identified as a simple truth serum, was almost fatal to the politician.
The office of the Prime Minister released a statement acknowledging that "Darth Svend is trying to send us a message." An anonymous source inside the RCMP toxicology lab said that unused darts laced with rat poison were found along with a note mentioning the names of Scott Brison, David Kilgour and Pierre Pettigrew.
"Do not believe the rebel lies. I don't use poison darts," said Darth Svend when pressed for comment. Darth Svend then raised a hand in the direction of the CBC reporter who allegedly found the poison darts. Inexplicably, the reporter began gasping for air and clutched his throat as if choking on his next question. "Your thoughts betray you," was all Darth Svend said as the CBC reporter crumpled over and died.
posted by Matt at 01:21
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