Liberals Announce Child Labour Plan
Ever since Paul Martin went on national television to apologize to the country in a pathetic attempt to salvage his minority government, the Liberals have embarked on an election-style spending spree. With $22 billion dished out in only 18 days, the torrid pace shows no sign of abating.
This flurry of announcements has lead to an inevitable and embarrassing gaffe on the part of the Grits. Last Friday the federal government and the province of Ontario announced an agreement that will bring $1.9 billion in spending to the province's child care system. On the same day, an advisory panel reviewing the crown corporation that runs ferries between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland came up with their own $1.9 billion price tag to improve service.
Two announcements for exactly the same amount of $1.9 billion, both within minutes of each other? Initially we here at the The Maple Lounge were not suspicious, but that was before an incredible story broke out amongst Conservative bloggers. (And we thought they were just conspiracy theorists!)
The $1.9 billion spent in Ontario will be used to build forced labour camps for children, a place where tiny hands can build all the little parts required to upgrade the ferries in Atlantic Canada. “Who doesn't enjoy killing two birds with one stone?” a Liberal MP was quoted as saying.
Minister of Social Development Ken Dryden was quick to trumpet the virtues of the new plan. “This system will provide an alternative to traditional daycare services for preschool children. The camps will also be open to kids before and after class, which is something that working parents will appreciate.”
A best-selling author, successful lawyer and one of the greatest goaltenders in the history of hockey, Dryden became defensive when questioned about the morality of child slave labour. “Look, whatever you can do I can do better. I put a lot of thought into this plan. Just shut up and listen.” The Minister then detailed the second phase of the program, still waiting parliamentary approval, that would see children across the country build a new fleet of flame-retardant, water-resistant, machine-washable nuclear submarines for the Canadian Navy.
NDP leader Jack Layton was unwilling to comment on the child labour issue due in part to the recent $4.6 billion budget deal, however he did note that the NDP will be active in organizing the labour effort and has already reached an agreement in principle to unionize all of Ontario's children. “We are cultivating the next generation of NDP supporters,” he said in a short statement.
The Bloc Quebecois vehemently opposes the plan. “Quebec does not want to be part of a third world country that forces children into slavery,” said Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe, “this is proof that federalism is broken and Paul Martin has lost the moral authority to govern.”
Some Liberal backbenchers suggested instead that both plans be canceled, saving the government $3.8 billion that could be transferred to Quebec to set up an emergency fund to promote Canadian unity and counter the increasing threat of the separatists.
This flurry of announcements has lead to an inevitable and embarrassing gaffe on the part of the Grits. Last Friday the federal government and the province of Ontario announced an agreement that will bring $1.9 billion in spending to the province's child care system. On the same day, an advisory panel reviewing the crown corporation that runs ferries between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland came up with their own $1.9 billion price tag to improve service.
Two announcements for exactly the same amount of $1.9 billion, both within minutes of each other? Initially we here at the The Maple Lounge were not suspicious, but that was before an incredible story broke out amongst Conservative bloggers. (And we thought they were just conspiracy theorists!)
The $1.9 billion spent in Ontario will be used to build forced labour camps for children, a place where tiny hands can build all the little parts required to upgrade the ferries in Atlantic Canada. “Who doesn't enjoy killing two birds with one stone?” a Liberal MP was quoted as saying.
Minister of Social Development Ken Dryden was quick to trumpet the virtues of the new plan. “This system will provide an alternative to traditional daycare services for preschool children. The camps will also be open to kids before and after class, which is something that working parents will appreciate.”
A best-selling author, successful lawyer and one of the greatest goaltenders in the history of hockey, Dryden became defensive when questioned about the morality of child slave labour. “Look, whatever you can do I can do better. I put a lot of thought into this plan. Just shut up and listen.” The Minister then detailed the second phase of the program, still waiting parliamentary approval, that would see children across the country build a new fleet of flame-retardant, water-resistant, machine-washable nuclear submarines for the Canadian Navy.
NDP leader Jack Layton was unwilling to comment on the child labour issue due in part to the recent $4.6 billion budget deal, however he did note that the NDP will be active in organizing the labour effort and has already reached an agreement in principle to unionize all of Ontario's children. “We are cultivating the next generation of NDP supporters,” he said in a short statement.
The Bloc Quebecois vehemently opposes the plan. “Quebec does not want to be part of a third world country that forces children into slavery,” said Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe, “this is proof that federalism is broken and Paul Martin has lost the moral authority to govern.”
Some Liberal backbenchers suggested instead that both plans be canceled, saving the government $3.8 billion that could be transferred to Quebec to set up an emergency fund to promote Canadian unity and counter the increasing threat of the separatists.
posted by Matt at 14:17
3 Comments:
Thats an exellent idea, Matt! They could take the fund and sponsor events in Quebec to promote federalism.
They would even get most of the money back through kickbacks, etc.
It's a win - win! So what if a few million go missing. We were fighting to save the country AND the children...
What would they call it though?
This is one government initiative that I can support! It is about time those damn freeloading kids started contributing to the country. I just hope that the Liberals stay in power long enough to see this plan to fruition!
Stupid children. What do they think they are anyway, little people? I'm not sure what to call the program, but I've got Barney lined up to do the inquiry in the event a few million dollars go missing...
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